The Toad a la Mode Home Accident Prevention Bureau Presents
Safety Tips for Your New Turkey Fryer
Turkey Day is almost here, and you've finally decided to join the hordes of Americans
enjoying a tasy, deep-fried whole turkey this Thanksgiving. But do you know how to use
your new turkey fryer safely? Remember, deep-fried turkeys were invented by large clans
of inbred Cajuns, who could easily afford to lose a few of their extra fingers and
toes - or even family members - to catastrophic explosions. The rest of us have to be
more careful. The following tips will help you:
- Have a fire extinguisher, your insurance information, and the name of a good personal injury lawyer nearby.
- Set up your fryer outdoors, away from anything you would really
miss if it burned to the ground.
- Carefully connect the fryer to a grounded, 120-volt outlet, using a heavy duty
extension cord. Make sure no one can trip over the cord. If you have an extra extension
cord, you can use it to tie up all your family members and pets to keep them away
from the first extension cord.
- Fill the fryer with five gallons of high-grade cooking oil. If you don't have
high-grade cooking oil, you can use something similar, like kerosene. TIP: Spraying
the inside of the fryer with PAM will not work.
- Heat the oil to the proper temperature. Since most turkey fryers do not have
thermostats, use this simple test: If the skin on your thighs blisters when you
stand next to the fryer, it is probably hot enough.
- Carefully place the thawed turkey in the fryer. The oil will spill over
the edge of the fryer, contact the fryer's heating coils,
and ignite, sending the entire apparatus up in flames. This is normal. You should wear safety goggles.
- Run away from the fryer screaming until the flames subside. This will take about fifteen minutes
for a ten-pound turkey, or five minutes per pound for a larger turkey.
- If burning oil splashes on your clothes or apron, don't run. Stop, drop, and roll.
You should roll for about five minutes for a ten-pound turkey, or three minutes per
pound for a larger turkey.
- If you forget to stop, drop, and roll, you may spread the flames to others in the area,
immolating your entire family. This indicates that your turkey fryer is functioning properly.
Immolation will take from ten to twenty minutes, depending on the size of your family.
- When the turkey is done, carefully remove it from the hot oil. We have no idea how you can do this safely;
you'll have to figure it out by yourself.
- Unplug the fryer and let it cool for about six weeks. Do not approach within fifty feet of the fryer during
this time.
- Drain off and save the used oil. Your attorney may want to use it as evidence.
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