In response to criticism over an edict requiring non-Muslims to wear cloth badges for easy identification, Afghanistan's ruling Taliban would like to assure the world -- particularly that busy-body UN -- that nobody has anything to worry about.

"It's purely so they won't be subject to Islamic law," stated Taliban spokesman Mohammed Baruk. "It's for their safety and convenience, really."

Responding to charges that their activities are reminiscent of those of the Nazis in the 1930s and 1940s, the Taliban noted that  "we are treating our undesirables much better."

To support this defense, Afghani religious police officer Mohammed Nayim noted, "Our Hindu population is delighted to share in the ancestral oneness of their Hindi Happy Compounds."

"There they may practice their incorrect religion without fear of harrassment," he added. "They were only too happy to board the trains."

Bolstering these claims, Afghani religious enforcer Mohammed Paneb noted that unlike the Nazis, the Taliban did not build train tracks into the compounds. "Rather," boasted Paneb, "we established the Hindi Happy Compounds at pre-existing train stations. It was much more cost-effective."

Neither, claim the Taliban, are they sponsoring their activities using property taken from non-Muslims. "We are active participants in global trade," noted spokesman Mohammed Baruk. "We don't have to resort to such nefarious activities as pulling gold teeth and absconding with artwork when high-grade heroin can bring in thousands of American dollars in any nightclub in LA or London," he continued. "I mean, why dirty our hands in the mouths of Afghani infidels when we can just as easily cocntribute to the early deaths of American infidels?"

"All of this talk of our being Nazis," Baruk scoffed, "that's such a stretch. We're far more advanced. Praise be to Allah!"