Seeing-eye dogs, guide dogs for the deaf, assistance dogs for the disabled - you can get a dog for just about any purpose these days. Dogs sniff for contraband at the border and track fugitives for the police. They guard our homes and herd our sheep.  With our nation's animal shelters overrun by unwanted animals, the time has come for some enterprising individual to begin supplying dogs to help those of us with no special needs. What better way to handle some of life's drudgery than by training a lovable, faithful animal to do it for you? We could guarantee good homes for:
 

• Housekeeping Dogs: trained to pick up socks and dirty laundry, answer calls from telemarketers, and chase away Jehovah's Witnesses.
• Clerical Support Dogs: trained to fetch coffee, deliver memos and mail, and shred (and eat) sensitive documents.
• Film Criticism Dogs: view and evaluate feature films, communicating vital information through a series of short, sharp barks (two barks to alert owner to involvement by Dino De Laurentis, for example).
• Systems Administrator Service Dogs: trained to monitor speaker phones until customer service representative from Microsoft finally answers.
• Customer Service aid dogs: trained to listen attentively to complaints from disgruntled customers, then lick their hands submissively (could be cross-trained to work as Middle-Management Appeasement Dogs).