The National Salt Council announced today the kick-off of its new nation-wide promotional campaign to heighten consumer awareness of salt.  Spearheaded by the slogan "Salt:  Pour on the Sparkly White Goodness!" the campaign will employ print ads, radio spots, and thinly-disguised "news" articles to tempt Americans to use and enjoy more salt in their daily lives.

"Salt is an essential nutrient," explained Charles Perry, Director of the National Salt Council's newly-created Promotional Board.  "Without it, people become easily fatigued, listless, and depressed.  Severe salt deficiency can be fatal.  Some scientists even think that salt in the body prevents spontaneous human combustion."

When asked if any American had actually died of salt deficiency in the last fifty years, Perry said he didn't know, but was "almost 100 per cent sure someone had."

To assure an adequate salt intake, the Council urges consumers to eat at least five helpings of salt a day.  Perry points out that this can easily be accomplished without resorting to supplements, as there are many salt-enriched foods on the market already, such as potato chips, packaged macaroni and cheese mix, and cocktail peanuts.  "These are products people already enjoy," Perry said.  "They just need to make sure they are eating enough of them, and eating them regularly."

Perry added that consumers should avoid such naturally salty foods as seaweed and dried fish, noting that the salt in these products is not produced by American salt producers and is thus not quality-controlled, or profitable.

The Salt Council is also promoting bills in several state legislatures to introduce salt into municipal drinking-water supplies through special "salinization plants."  "This would ensure that even the poorest members of society receive the benefits of salt in their everyday diets," Perry explained.

Alternate slogans that will be used regionally during the campaign include "Salt:  What are you afraid of?" (New York area); "Salt:  God's gift to his chosen people" (Utah); "Salt:  Your Daddy put it on his grits every morning until he died of a heart attack at 37" (South); "Salt:  It concentrates your body's healing energy" (West Coast); and "Salt:  It desiccates, sterilizes, and preserves" (New England).

The campaign also calls for celebrity spokespersons to appear in full-page magazine ads.  The models, including actress Bernadette Peters, the members of pop group N Sync, and former Vice-President Dan Quayle, will pose with large goiters on their necks over the slogan "Need Salt?"  The ads will inform readers about the benefits of iodized salt.

The Salt Council expects to double sales of salt through the implementation of the campaign.  "We're doing this to counter the damage to salt's image caused by the FDA and the American Heart Association," Perry said.  "The American public deserves to know the truth about salt, from the people who help put it on their tables. The truth is that salt is healthful, nutritious, and very, very tasty."  Perry then excused himself to go take his high blood pressure medication.