Reading Isn't FUNdamentalist

Hey Kids! Have you heard about R.I.F.? Otherwise known as
Reading Isn't FUNdamentalist!

R.I.F. (Reading Isn't FUNdamentalist) is a new literacy-control program designed to spread the word about the dangers of literature and to keep books out of the hands of children everywhere. In accordance with our slavish devotion to one or another particular religious text, we wholeheartedly denounce all other written texts, and discourage anyone from reading them.

Our goal is to confine the dangerous activity of reading to a few well-trained religious men who will teach and interpret the powerful, treacherous, and scary written word for all their devout followers.

Upcoming Events:

The R.I.F. Book-Burningmobile will soon be coming to a neighborhood near you! Volunteers in the brightly-colored Book-Burningmobile have a mission: to take books away from all kids, especially the neediest. At R.I.F., we believe all children should experience first hand the pride of having their very own book torn from their grasp and flung on a blazing pyre, while a crowd of torch-wielding onlookers shrieks its approval.

How You Can Help:

Parents: Don't let your children see you reading. It will only make them curious about this "grown-up" activity. Write to television networks who advertise "Hooked on Phonics," and tell them you will boycott their programs unless they stop selling dangerous products to children.
Educators: Become an advocate for more in-class television viewing. Have your school library closed for mold-remediation.
Kids: Be sure to tell a grown-up if you see one of your friends reading. You can also laugh, point, and beat up kids who read. Some good names for readers include "nerd," "egghead," and "four-eyes."

You can learn more about R.I.F. by watching: The 700 Club, Mullah Omar's last video, Inherit the Wind, or just about any early Sunday-morning television, especially if it features the SBC.

There's plenty more stuff to burn back at the Toad a la Mode menu.

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