To commemorate U.S. and Iraqi independence,
the federal government invites you to a
Post-War Fourth of July Celebration at the White House
Program to begin promptly at 7 p.m. Schedule of events:
7:00--National Anthem, sung by Toby Keith.
7:05--Obeisance to the flag.
7:15--Prayer: the Reverand Billy Graham will ask God's blessing on 89% of Americans.
7:30--Medley by the United States Marine Corps Marching Band: "America the Beautiful,"
"New York, New York," "Ride of the Valkyries."
7:45--Launching of 147382986 approximately 1765 "White
Star" rockets to commemorate the servicemen and women fallen in Iraq.
8:00--Launching of 75 "Red Star" rockets to commemorate each dollar cut from the monthly
imminent-danger pay for servicemen in President's latest defense bill.
8:30--Secret Service will remove the Bush twins from the Reflecting Pool.
8:45--Speech: President Bush will address America, declare war on Syria.
9:30--Submersion of Toby Keith in 3,000-gallon vat of Coors Light.
9:45--The program will conclude with the launch of a "Glowing Fountain of Defense" rocket,
which will misfire into crowd and kill four Canadians.
Have you forgotten? All patriotic Americans find their Internet humor back at
the Toad a la Mode menu.
