J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy contains over half a million words. How did Peter Jackson and his co-writers compress, alter and adapt this great work into a form that would capture the hearts and minds of today's mass market? Here are some of the most important alterations the screenplay makes to the story:

• All followers of Dark Lord Sauron speak with German accents.
• Added tentative homosexual encounter between Boromir and Aragorn, Isildur's heir.
• Magic land of Lothlorien teeming with rambunctious Dalmation puppies.
• Elf maiden Arwen transformed into genetically modified super-being bent on destroying her creators with kick-ass martial arts moves.
• Final Battle at end of Second Age depicted as quidditch match.
• Boosted realism of Mordor torture scenes by overdubbing recording of Ralph Bakshi screaming while being torn asunder by ravening feral pigs.
• Tom Bombadil, Glorfindel the Elf-lord, and Gaffer Gamgee synthesized into single character, portrayed by a volleyball.
• Gollum's role significantly expanded to take advantage of hilarious ad-libbing by Robin Williams, who provides his voice.
• 120% increase in hugging.
• Computer-generated characters are accompanied by "Happy Mac" start-up chime when they first appear on-screen.