So, you finally finished your Ph.D. in Literature!  Too bad there were approximately 200 applicants for each and every academic job in the nation last year.  But remember, a Ph.D. in the Humanities means you have many marketable skills!   Once you get tired of living off economy-sized cans of slightly irregular sliced peaches, and roaming around the apartment correcting comma splices in your roommate's porn magazines, try putting your valuable skills to work with any of these exciting job opportunities for Doctors of English:
 

• Now's the perfect time to start that novel you were too busy for in graduate school -- and bypass the tedious publication process!  Write each chapter in colorful chalk on the sidewalks of your neighborhood park.  Cheerfully solicit donations from passers-by.  Picturesque chimney-sweep attire optional.
• Hire yourself out as a personal language attendant to a cowboy.  Correct him whenever he says "ya'll" (in Texas, you can also perform this service for politicians, who pay slightly better than cowboys, and eat chili slightly less often).
• Start your own comedy web site.
• Participate in paid medical research.  You can make this job pay twice by writing a screenplay about your fellow test subjects!  Or, file a malpractice lawsuit when it's all over.
• Market yourself as an on-camera-interview translator for a professional athlete.
• Freelance proofreading can be lucrative, and can also lead to bigger things if you choose your jobs wisely.  Scan the internet for poorly-written white supremacist newsletters, and offer to "polish them up" in return for the title of Propaganda Minister.
• Entertain at children's birthday parties as the Grammar Clown.
• Offer script-editing services to Kenneth Branagh for his next Shakespeare movie.  We all love "Hamlet," but who has 4 hours to sit in a movie theater?  Oh, wait.  You do.
• Get a job as a waiter in Medieval-themed restaurant and helpfully point out cultural and historical inaccuracies to your boss and co-workers.  Speak only in exquisitely correct Anglo-Saxon.
• Audition for a spot on the new FOX reality-based t.v. series, "Composition Island."