Fundamentalist Humor


Religious fundamentalism, with its intolerance, short-sighted bigotry, and promotion of violence as a ready means of resolving conflict, has gotten a lot of bad press recently. But fundamentalists like a good joke as much as the rest of us unrepentant, Hell-bound sinners. In the interest of promoting understanding among faiths, Toad a la Mode presents this selection of jokes and riddles popular with fundamentalist believers of all persuasions.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was God's will.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: That was also God's will.

Q: Why did the heretic cross the road?
A: To do something sinful on the other side.

Q: Why did the heretic get run over by an ox-cart (or pick-up truck) while he was crossing the road?
A: Because he was sinful and he deserved it.

Q: Why did the true believer get run over by an ox-cart (or pick-up truck) while he was crossing the road?
A: Because our godless enemies wish to destroy us and everything we stand for and therefore we must destroy them first.

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"A woman."
"A woman who?"
"A woman who would like an eighth grade education."
"You are an infidel and a whore and your husband needs to beat you far more frequently."

Q: How many defenders of the true faith does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb?

Q: How can you tell a heretic from a true believer?
A: The true believer will have been blessed by Almighty God with more goats (or pickup trucks) than the heretic. And if he hasn't, God in his wisdom has granted permission for the true believer to kill the heretic and take his goats (trucks).


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