Patriotic Euphemisms
Inspired by steadfast restaurateurs across the country.
Because so many patriots can no longer utter the words "French Fries" without choking on their own bile, we request
that all true Americans immediately begin substituting the following new names for products with unpleasant associations:
Plaster of Melbourne
Albanian shepherd
Freedom windows
Fifteen coalition members who wish to remain anonymous toast
Bulgarian roulette
Chicken Jesus king
Also, if you should happen to see anyone's underwear, we ask you to please chant, "I see London, I see Gdansk."
