You know, I'm becoming increasingly annoyed with the the way I'm portrayed in the media. I have no problem with the cartoonish characterizations -- the archaic pitchfork, the pointy tail, the lack of clothing -- that's kind of amusing. What I object to is the way selling one's soul to me has come to be perceived as a bad thing -- when really, I'm just trying to help people.

The thing is, people don't appreciate something they get for nothing. Think about it. If you find $10 lying on the sidewalk, do you treat it the same as the $10 you withdraw from the cash machine? Of course not, because you didn't work for it or give anything for it. You see, I don't have to have the souls -- I merely take them so people will value the treasures, talents, and Oscars I give them.

I don't need the souls, nor do I derive any particular pleasure from gathering them. I mean, really, how many tortured souls, howling in horror do I need to hear every day?  And there's the maintenance costs to think about too.  Not to mention the fact that people are doing a good enough job of getting themselves into Hell without my having to play carnival barker, gathering them.  Heck, there's a fallen soul born every minute, practically.

I think the thing that pisses me off the most (pardon my French) is the discrimination. Is it called "selling one's soul to God" when someone prays for something, say a clear biopsy, and gets it? No. And what about priests? Geez, they don't even get anything good in return -- no chicks, no money. At least I deliver.

I'd just like a little respect and understanding. After all, if you want to play guitar like Hendrix or pull in the babes like Hef, I'm the one you go to, not God. What can I say? I'm a giver.