It's been four months since President William Jefferson Clinton left office. What does a former President with most of his faculties intact do with his time? A source close to the former President gives us this exclusive peak at Bill's day-book.
Schedule for Monday:
8:00 am - Morning jog.
8:15 am - Morning donuts.
8:30 am - Shower and dress.
9:00 am - Go to the office.
9:30 am - Morning donuts.
(Tell staff I haven't eaten yet.)
9:35 am - Call Janet Reno.
(Is Ol' Shaky really going to run for governor? Give her tips.)
9:45 am -
Call Jesse Jackson for strategy session. If he starts getting preachy,
remind him that at least I didn't get anybody pregnant (that anyone can
prove!).
10:00 am - Scrapbooking
class at Stampers' Paradise. Don't forget the departure party pics!
Noon - Lunch with Vernon
Jordan. (NOTE: Do NOT go to Hooters again - waaay too much
temptation.)
1:45 pm - Back to the office
2:00 pm - Prank call to
the Oval Office. (Remember to block caller ID this time.)
2:05 pm - Power nap.
Power donuts.
2:30 pm - Call Hillary.
(Remember: If she asks whether I've had donuts, assure her that today
I have never had ingestible relations with that pastry.)
2:35 pm - Write stern letter
to Thomasville Furniture regarding cushions on the couch from the Blue
Room. They need more padding.
3:00 pm - Turn on the shopping
channel. They've been featuring Hummels. Make sure any purchases
go on the separate credit card - Hillary got so upset last time.
She has no investment sense.
3:15 pm - Call ambassadors
from countries F through L. Offer to visit on a relationship-building
trip. (NOTE: Did I call England already? Was it under E?
Would it be under G for Great Britain? Under U for United Kingdom?)
4:00 pm - Write letter to
McDonalds. Recommend they start delivery service.
4:15 pm - Pre-supper fried
chicken.
4:30 pm - Call Madeleine
Albright. This is my third call. If she doesn't call back this
time, that's it!
4:45 pm - Call Cook.
Find out what's for supper.
4:50 pm - Close up shop.
See if any of the guys want to go for a beer. (NOT Hooters!)
Perhaps you'll find something tasty on the Toad a la Mode menu.