Call your brothers and sisters long distance and tell them to stay out of your stuff.
 If you open a package that contains a sweater or other apparel, say "Clothes?!" Then toss the item aside and tear into another gift.
 Give that someone special in your life an Indian burn.
 When you do your holiday grocery shopping, sit in the cart. Ask the manager to push you.
 Make snow angels. If there is no snow, spend the afternoon throwing handfuls of mud at the garage door. When Dad gets home, run for it.
 At your office holiday party, refer to the egg nog as "egg snot."
 Make your own Christmas tree ornaments out of construction paper and paste. Use leftover paste to frost cookies. Mmmm, paste.
 Mail your letter to Santa early, to give his elves time to irradiate it before opening.
 Remember what really counts: that "naughty or nice" business is a bunch of crap. It's all about who you know.
 Leave milk and cookies out for Santa. Just don't forget that those little round silver things on the cookies are poisonous if you eat too many.