You Call this @$#%!*& Suet?

You Call this @$#%!*& Suet?
A Whine by A Black-Capped Chickadee

Hey, you, the &%*@$ with the gloves and the stupid wooly hat. You call this *!#&$% suet? What is this !&@%#$, peanut butter and Crisco or some kind of &%!$#@ like that? There's hardly even any &#%$!@ing sunflower seeds in it, you *&#$%@. Maybe you don't have to eat 150% of your &$%#$!@ing body weight to stay alive, but I sure as *&$%#@ do. Is this the thanks I get for hanging around all &#%$@!ing winter, brightening your *&$%#@! pathetic life with my adorable antics and cheerful two-note call? I could have blown down to Rio on the &*$%#@!ing jet stream and hung out on the beach, for *$%#@!'s sake.

And what's with the *&%$#!@ red pepper in here, is this supposed to keep out squirrels, or some stupid &*%$#!@ like that? No, the taste doesn't bother me, you *$&%#!@, but do you have any *&!%$#@ing idea what it does to my breath? You think an adult female wants to build a *&!@#$%ing nest with someone who smells like a !%$*&#ing Mexican chipotle roaster?

&%$!@ this %&!*$%. I'm heading down the block to the thistle feeder behind the retirement home. *&%!$@# you, and the &*%$#!@ing cat on your windowsill, too.

Commune with other delightful wild creatures back at the &*%$@#ing Toad a la Mode menu.

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