You've read about it in the news - the highly sensitive diplomatic exchange that resulted in the freedom of America's spy plane crew.  But you may not know just how far that letter came from its rough draft stage.  Toad a la Mode has procured the following copy of President Bush's initial draft through anonymous sources.
 

Monday, April 9, 2001
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC
The United States of America
 

Dear Premiere Zemin,

I enjoyed taking to you on the phone yesterday.  I feel like we had a real good conversation between world leaders.  You said you would like it if I would apologize for the plane you guys lost a while back when it hit our plane.  I don't usually apologize for things and Mr. Cheney says absolutely  don't this time either.  He's real smart about things like that, which is why I hired him.

Anyway, somebody told me that what really happened was your guy came right up to our plane and got real close and then hit it.  I would maybe say it was our fault if the American pilot had been drunk or something (because sometimes they are).  But there was nothing the pilot could of done.  I know for sure because I was a pilot to and I know  it really is really hard to fly a plane.  I almost hit a lot of stuff when I was flying, even when I hadn't been drinking that day.  Sometimes its scary.  You're guy should not of been so close to our plane, it really was his fault and he will just have to suffer the consequences.  I'm strongly in favor of personal responsibility, so thats were I stand on that, and Mr. Cheney does to, and also my Dad.  Therefore all the leadership here is united in thinking that the incidence was a terrible shame and a tragedy and we regret it really bad but we didn't have anything to do with it.  Its always real sad when someone dies.  I cried once when my dog died, I was real sorry I ran him over.

We hope you will begin to attempt to try to figure out an apropriate and timely way to return our plain and recognizance personal at once, if not sooner.  We would hate to have our relationship with China obversely effected in anyway.  I myself am a deep admirer of Chinese culture, especially the noodles, and fortune cookies.  Except I don't think its fair the way you hit the last little duck on the back with a stick when he gets on the boat at night.

Well, that's about all the news from hear in Washington.  Its nice and sunny today.  The cherry trees look pretty - thanks again!

Yours Truly,

President Bush
 

p.s. Their telling me that to much arsenick in the water is bad for people.  I have a hard time believing that.  Did you Chinese ever do any experiments on that?  If so my Cabinet would love a copy of the report.  Don't tell anybody your sending it thou.

p.p.s.  Mr. Cheney says this letter is just a first draft, could you please maybe tell me what else I should say to make it a good letter because writing is hard work.  And I will fix it.