The Toad a la Mode Public Transportation Board announces
Changes To Your Bus Service
Your public transportation authority would like to announce the following changes, which will allow us
to serve you better:
- Effective immediately, the #3 Northbound bus will serve as the bus where homeless people
pick fights on MWFS only. On Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, it will be the bus where drunks throw up.
- Middle-aged ladies who are willing to converse cheerfully with retarded passengers will ride at half-price.
- To encourage riders to stay behind the white line, electrified barriers have been installed. Remember, safety first!
- The #27 route is being discontinued due to low ridership.
- The #414 route is being discontinued due to its inability to accommodate the high number of passengers.
- The last two rows on most inner-city routes have been designated as the Schizophrenia section to facilitate fewer
injuries when the visions become a bit too real.
- The #10 bus will now be designated for confused tourists. Drivers on this route have been instructed to
make unscheduled stops for shrieking passengers, rather than ignoring them per transit authority policy.
- 5-6 p.m. will be the designated time for solicitation pitches from the
homeless on all routes. Drivers will regulate a 5 minute interval between speeches.
- To further the cause of the Mayor's Physical Fitness program, every other stop will be eliminated.
- Drivers will no longer be required to stop the bus such that passengers must jump over puddles as they disembark.
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